whoop!

it's time for a happy blog! i'm sick of all the emo crap. i've been going through a lot lately, and i'm not sure i'm done digging through all the stress mess--but like Eric said the other day, "i feel like i'm on the upswing of the valley." and, that feels good!
i knew it would end somewhere, and my mini-breakdown was pretty trivial as far as bad times go. I've just been overwhelmed with things to do, and i just couldn't see the end of it coming near. I feel like I'm about to have a little time to catch up.

I will finally get more than six hours of sleep for the first time in the past weeks that i can remember! how great!! AND my birthday is on thursday! that should be fun. kyle is really building up the birthday/anniversary gift he got me. i'm excited BIG TIME! i can't believe Kyle and I have been dating a year! it's crazy, because it doesn't seem like it's been that long. When I look at other couples and hear them saying it's been a year and some change, i always think about how long and serious that amount of time is. But with Kyle, it doesn't seem that way--definitely a good thing!
things are looking up. it's definitely the Lord. I try to push and fight through all the crap alone, but I always end up knowing that without the strength and joy of the Lord, the hard roads are a lot bumpier.
Tough stuff.
My old sunday school teacher died. Pray for his family. I heard some details, but I am not sure how accurate those are, so, out of respect for his family, I won't disclose them. I'm praying for them. My dad lost his dad in a horrible way at a young age, so such tragedies always weigh on my heart.
That makes me think about how much I miss my grandads. My dad's dad died when I was only a baby in an awful tragedy. And last Thanksgiving, my only living grampa died from necrotizing fasciitis, an extremely rare flesh-eating bacteria, with complications of diabetes. He got sick one Sunday and died the next.
During that week, he had his leg cut off above the hip and some of his back. I never saw him conscious that week. Kyle never met him. But the Sunday he died, Kyle drove me and my grandma over, because we were going to see him, and right when we got there, he began to go through the process of dying. Kyle stood by my side as I watched my grandfather take his last breath.
Watching someone die is emotional, but it revealed God to me in a way I can't explain. There was a peace. It wasn't like we were fighting for him to stay alive. I remember my mom telling him not to fight and to listen to the Lord and go to heaven where Meme is (my stepgrandma who died from lung cancer three years ago). Watching him take his last breath, I knew in my heart that it wasn't the last of my grandfather. It was just his last moments here on earth in that body. It was an unforgettable experience. Awful yet awe-striking all the same.

My grandmas are the only things I have left, and my grandma helen has bad back problems and she goes through a lot since my grandpa's been gone. i worry about her, and i feel so guilty because i never get to spend time with her. and my grandma lynne struggles so much with money. she doesn't have anything anymore, and i havent seen her very much lately. it kills me, because i love them so much, and i don't know that they know it.

I guess this hasn't been a happy blog after all, but i needed to search some things out.
it's good sometimes.