written: November 28, 2007
And about as confused as one, too.
Tornado Erin has been rolling through for a while.
I feel good. It may sound terribly strange, but I am so happy that I'm sad right now.
That means nothing to you until you're going through a situation where you can understand it. It's easy for me to run away from a problem when things start going bad. That's usually how I operate, and somewhere down the road, I'm forced to deal with some pretty nasty baggage.
Running away and "moving on" and living well being the best revenge--all of these things have gotten old. Maybe I'm growing up, who knows?
I've ultimately decided to deal with myself and my hurts right now. Even though it would be easy to bypass all my emotions and find something to keep me too busy to think about things, I've decided to do the hard things now, so that I can be a better me later.
I can only be concerned with me. Though i hurt for the pain he'll endure one day, I can only control myself, so I'm going to make sure I do that correctly.
Circumstances lately have just tickled me to tears.
I feel like a newborn, because my life is a blank slate--everything in my life has just been wiped totally clean. Sometimes painfully, other times, joyfully.
It's like a house destroyed in a storm, and now, all that's left are the foundations of the home. I can rebuild it however I choose. I can feel sad for my loss, but living in bitterness over what has happened and acting in spite of the situation can serve no purpose but hurt in the furthering of myself. If I can choose to use positively what are now memories, I can continue to move forward. I'm thankful I have the opportunity to rebuild. I'm excited for it. All of the imperfections can be perfected. I can make a better, stronger, more efficient house. I'm excited for what God's doing in my life.
- erin whatley
- two-two-niine, Georgia, United States
- i never thought it would be hard to fit a nut into a nutshell, but here's a go at what i'm about. foremost, i know, love and follow the Lord. i'm a wild card. i enjoy being alone as much as i enjoy other people. i eat up anything art-related. i'm an only child. i have a BBA in Marketing & an AA in Fine Arts. i'm the marketing and PR gal for Stewbos group, a job i truly love. i do this part-time, and the rest of the time i'm a stay at home wife/mama to Justin and Vayda. i itch to travel and i delight at learning new things. you'll find i'm neurotic, intellectual, honest and somewhat naive. i'm open and compassionate, yet paradoxically hard on myself. my biggest fear is succumbing to cynicism, and my greatest joy is experiencing growth. my idol is willy wonka, because i never want to grow up. i sing and dance my way through the day. I believe the best ones are full of giggles. i think blogging is rather self-indulgent. writing about my thoughts feels selfish, yet i enjoy the exploration it brings. thanks for stopping by.
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