I saw my friend Bill for the first time in ages yesterday, and it was really kind of life changing. Bill moved out to Colorado years ago, and I haven't really heard from him since minus a few MySpace & Facebook messages here and there. He just made it back to Albany for a visit after these few years, and I found out he's been roaming the country with his precious dog, Maebe. He lives in a yurt in Colorado and gives snowboarding lessons at a resort for half of the year, and then he travels around hitchhiking the other half of the year.
He shared some of his adventures with me, and it made me feel so insignificant and silly. He doesn't have electricity in his home. He doesn't have a computer. He doesn't have a cell phone. He lives such a minimalistic lifestyle. I think of how afraid I'd be traveling around like that with no way to contact people. Funny how much false security our technological devices give us.
I got home last night and all the outside lights were off at my house, and I started to get frightened, and then I thought how Bill travels around unfamiliar areas for hours in the dark. There's something about the way he's chosen to live that I can really appreciate. He's so happy and carefree. He experiences so much and each day is like an adventure. My life is so monotonous. I sit in front of a computer most days and feel like I'm living when people pay attention to my Facebook page. See, fame isn't really an adventure. It's a trap. People begin to expect things out of you when you're up on a pedestal. Having an image to protect is boring. Living to please others has never been a fulfilling occurrence for me, and I don't know why I've developed such an appetite for "success."
Success isn't money. It isn't walking around in pumps and a designer business suit with everyone knowing your name. It isn't being known simply for the gain of being known. I think I'd hate that, just happening upon fame through any avenue. I just want to enjoy the things that I love. I want to be fulfilled through an adventurous and crazy life. What Bill does really inspires me to see the world differently and not get stuck in this rigid, "normal," BORING lifestyle that I've started to create for myself.
So, thanks, Bill. :)
- erin whatley
- two-two-niine, Georgia, United States
- i never thought it would be hard to fit a nut into a nutshell, but here's a go at what i'm about. foremost, i know, love and follow the Lord. i'm a wild card. i enjoy being alone as much as i enjoy other people. i eat up anything art-related. i'm an only child. i have a BBA in Marketing & an AA in Fine Arts. i'm the marketing and PR gal for Stewbos group, a job i truly love. i do this part-time, and the rest of the time i'm a stay at home wife/mama to Justin and Vayda. i itch to travel and i delight at learning new things. you'll find i'm neurotic, intellectual, honest and somewhat naive. i'm open and compassionate, yet paradoxically hard on myself. my biggest fear is succumbing to cynicism, and my greatest joy is experiencing growth. my idol is willy wonka, because i never want to grow up. i sing and dance my way through the day. I believe the best ones are full of giggles. i think blogging is rather self-indulgent. writing about my thoughts feels selfish, yet i enjoy the exploration it brings. thanks for stopping by.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
musing
Justin told me he was proud of me yesterday. Something about his sincerity makes those words feel like I've really acheived something. Maybe it's because I watch him produce all these unbelievable artworks for him to turn around and tell me he's not very proud or excited about any of them. I think it's a momentous occasion when Justin is truly proud of something, so I felt honored when he said he was proud of me.
in other news, i wish i could say i didn't want to be famous, but i'd be lying if i did. what's up with a world producing that kind of attitude? it's not about excelling in your passions anymore. it's about success through any avenue. fame is lame.
in other news, i wish i could say i didn't want to be famous, but i'd be lying if i did. what's up with a world producing that kind of attitude? it's not about excelling in your passions anymore. it's about success through any avenue. fame is lame.
Friday, April 2, 2010
I can fly!
Is it bad that I don't want a "real job" right away when I graduate this summer?
One of my favorite phrases in life is "But I'm just a baby!" I normally yell this at the top of my lungs to my bosses, my parents and my friends when I don't understand some process that should be common sense. (Disclaimer: Don't yell that at your boss unless you have a quality relationship, or unless you're a shameless fool like--oh...ME!)
Anyway, just letting the world know that I'm pulling a Peter Pan and not growing up until I'm good and ready.
Sometimes I muse over the careers I've considered over the years. I still think I fit the mold for any of them, ironically, which is how I know I'm just not sure what my future holds in the way of careers.
1.) I thought about being a physical therapist for a while. I even changed my major to exercise science for a semester and interned at a local clinic. My inspiration for this was watching an unhealthy marathon of Grey's Anatomy. Don't even think I'm kidding you. I thought being a doctor was cool and adventurous, buuuuuut upon further self-evaluation, I realized that I didn't want to have to look at blood and intestines and all that nasty jazz. Lucky for me, there was a new doctorate in PT. Cool! No blood, AND people will call me DR. WHATLEY! winner, winner! chicken dinner! If you haven't figured it out, the only reason I wanted to do this was so I could be called Dr. Whatley--and maybe meet someone as hot as McSteamy, McDreamy, McSqueemy, whatever. I was so convincing in describing how cool it was, my boyfriend at the time changed his major with me. Haha! After looking at a schedule full of chemistry, biology, and anatomy & physiology--I realized that watching more than three episodes of Grey's Anatomy in one day probably wasn't good for my mind.
2.) And then there was acting. This one was less of a facade in my mind though. In fact, I still have dreams for this one. I've been acting since childhood. I think my personality has always lended itself to theatrics, because I'm an only child attention whore. And I've always been fascinated by people, because growing up alone, watching people is the only way to pick up social cues. So, naturally, acting comes easy for someone who grew up watching other people's actions to create their own. When I was in eighth...
Sorry, Jeff Buckley is playing here in the office, so I am very distracted. Love. Of. My. Life. RIP.
Anyway, when I was in eighth grade, I saw a play at my local high school, and I was fascinated by this actor, Dylan. I thought in my little, middle schoolish brain, "My dream is to one day be in a scene with him, because he's dreaaaammmmyyy." Well, in the tenth grade, I was cast in a minor role as his girlfriend. This may seem trivial, but for me, it was the first of many milestone dreams that came true in my little life. Theatre has always been magical like that. For more reasons than a blog can hold. But alas, my parents thought it to be rather indulgent and wasteful to go to school for a degree in theatre. And in my case, I'd have to agree...sort of. I'm still extremely involved in local theatre, and I plan to continue this for as long as I'm able. But a little piece of me wants to live and breathe it like I used to. Maybe one day.
3.) Could you see me as a tattoo artist? Because I saw myself as one for a short while. I even shadowed a local tattoo artist for a bit. I thought it'd be a cool ministry to get involved in. Then I realized I wouldn't make any money if I didn't want to draw devils or tribal tattoos into people's skin. I let that one go, but sometimes it still seems cool.
4.) What about a media minister or youth minister? Believe it or not, I started going to ministry school when I interned at a local church. And by started going to ministry school, I mean I went to one class. But believe me, I learned enough in the Evangelism 101 class at the Georgia School of Ministry (which is a Pentecostal organization) to figure out that I wasn't ready for that yet in my life. I still love working with youth. I loved making videos and logos with one of my fellow interns, Justin, who I just so happened to start dating two years after the fact. But it wasn't the right environment or the right time. It still feels funny that I was well on my way to becoming a pastor. Call me Reverend Erin Whatley from now on, will you?
5.) I'm still an artist. Believe this. But I did give up art school. Not because I couldn't handle it. Because I knew my ultimate success would come from knowing the business world. I did a one-on-one ceramics study with this cool guy, Kirby, and he always told me art school was pointless. I needed a business degree. I didn't want to believe him, but after I got my Associates in Art and went to transfer to GSW's art program, I realized I'd have to give up my job--and ultimately my life--to fulfill all the required studio hours. I couldn't do that. So I haphazardly changed my major to marketing at the last minute.
6.) And now I'll have a marketing degree at the end of summer.
Somewhere between saying goodbye to art school and becoming overwhelmed with ridiculous statistics and accounting classes, I became hungry for the prestige and success that a powerful business career could bring me. I forgot my original reasons for embarking in a business degree. I think that's the reason I'm so confused about where I'm going. I lost sight of my vision and the passions that originally drove me.
I got too obsessed with the idea of success and money to stay true to what I really loved. Isn't that always the story though?
So, upon musing all these ideas, I giggle a little. I don't look at them as failures or wastes of time, because all of these careers and the motivations for pursuing them for a time were driven by a deep passion that I have. None of these doors are really closed:
1.) I may become a doctor of my field one day. Hopefully then, it will be for the pure joy of having knowledge in my field. Not for the idea of having others call me "doctor."
2.) Theatre is the constant in my life besides the Lord and my loved ones. I'm not fearful at all about losing my love for theatre. I didn't need a degree to continue my appreciation for it.
3.) The tattoo artist idea seems to be rooted in the desire to use my most favored skill for the good of others, i.e. using it as an innovative tool to share my faith. I'm confident that I'll have these opportunities as a continue to grow up, as I've already had several.
4.) Ministry isn't so much a career as it as learning how to serve in whatever capacity I can. I serve in two awesome ministries right now--Choir and Relevate (a creative student ministry), and I know both are where I'm called. It's awesome. And the lessons I learned from interning during college really shaped me to be useful in both.
5.) I don't paint or draw like I used to. But I still enjoy the beauty of nature. I still think as artistically as I used to. I'm just not as engrossed. My creativity is still just a sharp. I use it everyday. Just not in the same way I used to. When I graduate, the first thing I'm doing is painting on an ultra-huge canvas. Trust me on that.
6.) Marketing. Bleh. It's fun to have all this knowledge, and I'll put it to good use wherever I go. And that's all I'll say about that.
Come July, you can find me in the phone book under Peter Pan Whatley.
Over and out.
One of my favorite phrases in life is "But I'm just a baby!" I normally yell this at the top of my lungs to my bosses, my parents and my friends when I don't understand some process that should be common sense. (Disclaimer: Don't yell that at your boss unless you have a quality relationship, or unless you're a shameless fool like--oh...ME!)
Anyway, just letting the world know that I'm pulling a Peter Pan and not growing up until I'm good and ready.
Sometimes I muse over the careers I've considered over the years. I still think I fit the mold for any of them, ironically, which is how I know I'm just not sure what my future holds in the way of careers.
1.) I thought about being a physical therapist for a while. I even changed my major to exercise science for a semester and interned at a local clinic. My inspiration for this was watching an unhealthy marathon of Grey's Anatomy. Don't even think I'm kidding you. I thought being a doctor was cool and adventurous, buuuuuut upon further self-evaluation, I realized that I didn't want to have to look at blood and intestines and all that nasty jazz. Lucky for me, there was a new doctorate in PT. Cool! No blood, AND people will call me DR. WHATLEY! winner, winner! chicken dinner! If you haven't figured it out, the only reason I wanted to do this was so I could be called Dr. Whatley--and maybe meet someone as hot as McSteamy, McDreamy, McSqueemy, whatever. I was so convincing in describing how cool it was, my boyfriend at the time changed his major with me. Haha! After looking at a schedule full of chemistry, biology, and anatomy & physiology--I realized that watching more than three episodes of Grey's Anatomy in one day probably wasn't good for my mind.
2.) And then there was acting. This one was less of a facade in my mind though. In fact, I still have dreams for this one. I've been acting since childhood. I think my personality has always lended itself to theatrics, because I'm an only child attention whore. And I've always been fascinated by people, because growing up alone, watching people is the only way to pick up social cues. So, naturally, acting comes easy for someone who grew up watching other people's actions to create their own. When I was in eighth...
Sorry, Jeff Buckley is playing here in the office, so I am very distracted. Love. Of. My. Life. RIP.
Anyway, when I was in eighth grade, I saw a play at my local high school, and I was fascinated by this actor, Dylan. I thought in my little, middle schoolish brain, "My dream is to one day be in a scene with him, because he's dreaaaammmmyyy." Well, in the tenth grade, I was cast in a minor role as his girlfriend. This may seem trivial, but for me, it was the first of many milestone dreams that came true in my little life. Theatre has always been magical like that. For more reasons than a blog can hold. But alas, my parents thought it to be rather indulgent and wasteful to go to school for a degree in theatre. And in my case, I'd have to agree...sort of. I'm still extremely involved in local theatre, and I plan to continue this for as long as I'm able. But a little piece of me wants to live and breathe it like I used to. Maybe one day.
3.) Could you see me as a tattoo artist? Because I saw myself as one for a short while. I even shadowed a local tattoo artist for a bit. I thought it'd be a cool ministry to get involved in. Then I realized I wouldn't make any money if I didn't want to draw devils or tribal tattoos into people's skin. I let that one go, but sometimes it still seems cool.
4.) What about a media minister or youth minister? Believe it or not, I started going to ministry school when I interned at a local church. And by started going to ministry school, I mean I went to one class. But believe me, I learned enough in the Evangelism 101 class at the Georgia School of Ministry (which is a Pentecostal organization) to figure out that I wasn't ready for that yet in my life. I still love working with youth. I loved making videos and logos with one of my fellow interns, Justin, who I just so happened to start dating two years after the fact. But it wasn't the right environment or the right time. It still feels funny that I was well on my way to becoming a pastor. Call me Reverend Erin Whatley from now on, will you?
5.) I'm still an artist. Believe this. But I did give up art school. Not because I couldn't handle it. Because I knew my ultimate success would come from knowing the business world. I did a one-on-one ceramics study with this cool guy, Kirby, and he always told me art school was pointless. I needed a business degree. I didn't want to believe him, but after I got my Associates in Art and went to transfer to GSW's art program, I realized I'd have to give up my job--and ultimately my life--to fulfill all the required studio hours. I couldn't do that. So I haphazardly changed my major to marketing at the last minute.
6.) And now I'll have a marketing degree at the end of summer.
Somewhere between saying goodbye to art school and becoming overwhelmed with ridiculous statistics and accounting classes, I became hungry for the prestige and success that a powerful business career could bring me. I forgot my original reasons for embarking in a business degree. I think that's the reason I'm so confused about where I'm going. I lost sight of my vision and the passions that originally drove me.
I got too obsessed with the idea of success and money to stay true to what I really loved. Isn't that always the story though?
So, upon musing all these ideas, I giggle a little. I don't look at them as failures or wastes of time, because all of these careers and the motivations for pursuing them for a time were driven by a deep passion that I have. None of these doors are really closed:
1.) I may become a doctor of my field one day. Hopefully then, it will be for the pure joy of having knowledge in my field. Not for the idea of having others call me "doctor."
2.) Theatre is the constant in my life besides the Lord and my loved ones. I'm not fearful at all about losing my love for theatre. I didn't need a degree to continue my appreciation for it.
3.) The tattoo artist idea seems to be rooted in the desire to use my most favored skill for the good of others, i.e. using it as an innovative tool to share my faith. I'm confident that I'll have these opportunities as a continue to grow up, as I've already had several.
4.) Ministry isn't so much a career as it as learning how to serve in whatever capacity I can. I serve in two awesome ministries right now--Choir and Relevate (a creative student ministry), and I know both are where I'm called. It's awesome. And the lessons I learned from interning during college really shaped me to be useful in both.
5.) I don't paint or draw like I used to. But I still enjoy the beauty of nature. I still think as artistically as I used to. I'm just not as engrossed. My creativity is still just a sharp. I use it everyday. Just not in the same way I used to. When I graduate, the first thing I'm doing is painting on an ultra-huge canvas. Trust me on that.
6.) Marketing. Bleh. It's fun to have all this knowledge, and I'll put it to good use wherever I go. And that's all I'll say about that.
Come July, you can find me in the phone book under Peter Pan Whatley.
Over and out.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
wow:
This is the first blog post on this blog from January 2007:
"I get scared sometimes, being at the ClaySpot all by myself. I make up noises in the next room. I make up all these situations that might happen--thieves, weirdos, homeless guys. I get sad that I worry so much. Last night I just broke down and cried. I've been so stressed out. I can't enjoy anything anymore. I don' t have the time. I can't paint or even watch the T.V. Kyle is here, but I don't get to be here with him. My mind is always somewhere else, with some other obligation. I'm so tired of being tired. I'm tired of spending my life at the gym and not feeling any different. I'm tired of having so much to complain about. I want to be a baby again and sit in my play pin."
Oddly enough--though the specifics have changed--I feel the exact same way most of the time. Maybe finishing college after summer semester will bring a new season.
"I get scared sometimes, being at the ClaySpot all by myself. I make up noises in the next room. I make up all these situations that might happen--thieves, weirdos, homeless guys. I get sad that I worry so much. Last night I just broke down and cried. I've been so stressed out. I can't enjoy anything anymore. I don' t have the time. I can't paint or even watch the T.V. Kyle is here, but I don't get to be here with him. My mind is always somewhere else, with some other obligation. I'm so tired of being tired. I'm tired of spending my life at the gym and not feeling any different. I'm tired of having so much to complain about. I want to be a baby again and sit in my play pin."
Oddly enough--though the specifics have changed--I feel the exact same way most of the time. Maybe finishing college after summer semester will bring a new season.
living in a technology crazed world is a weird thing. i know so much about others, but i make very little contact with humans throughout my day. it feels sad. right now, i'm in my office by myself. i said my hellos to a few people when i walked in. i sat in a classroom earlier with a group of people, but i didn't really speak to anyone, besides to ask the teacher a question maybe.
i drove a hour and a half to school alone and had a significantly awesome dance party in the car for the majority of the time. i've read all my twitter updates, and i've done my facebook stalking by this time of the day--and i feel full of knowledge about the community of people i know. however, i just realized that i've been silent for the past several hours. not a word has come out of my mouth. p.s. just a note, if you've realized this isn't a well-composed piece of literature, it's because i've decided to use the space to work out thoughts. i'm not so concerned with actually appealling to readers, as much as i am just talking in a stream-of-consciousness format to mark an occassion when i don't have my journal on hand.
on that note, my biggest concern of today was that i woke up and realized that the tattoo on my side is grammatically incorrect. it says "psalms 139:14." it should say "psalm 139:14." this really bothers me. REALLY bothers me. it reveals so much about the quality of my faith at the at the time. i know that sounds silly, but i'm a bit of a freak about grammar sometimes. maybe it isn't that big of a deal. i guess from now on, it can be a testiment to how far i've come in life. i'm just embarrassed to have tattoos at all. i hate looking down and seeing dumb flowers. i hate being committed to these silly drawings for a lifetime. it irritates me to the point i'd like to cut them out of my skin. i hate being judged upon first meeting a new person. i watch their eyes scan my feet for several seconds, and i just know what they're thinking. i feel the need to make excuses and tell them it was a move of teenage rebellion. that feeling is silly, too.
so, in conclusion, i'm more insecure than ever about my tattoos, because now i feel as if one is grammatically incorrect. also, i'm in desperate need of people in my life, because i'm overwhelmed with loneliness throughout most of each day.
i am happy to almost be done with school. a degree in marketing. cool. i don't even think i like marketing. i liked art school, but i couldn't keep a job and put in the number of studio hours required. now, i get to watch my boyfriend experience all the fun that i missed out on, while i take queer statistics tests and drool over boring management strategies. funny how life turns out. i spend quite a bit of time being jealous and annoyed over this very predicament. it is what it is, i suppose.
sorry this blog has an overwhelming tone of negativity. most of the time, i'm a pretty joyful person these days. i hate being in these cynical moods, because we all know cynicism is highly unattractive. a person is lying if they find that quality to be cute. the only reason i've ever feigned appreciation over such a quality is because i felt insecure and wanted acceptance from such ridiculously-natured people. not that i'm thinking of anyone specifically, but there used to be a whole group of cynics in albany who a large group of people thought epitomized cool. now they just look like sad has-beens. grumpy old men, if you will.
blogging is highly cathartic. i don't even know why i'm mentioning half of these things. i feel so self-indulgent listing my most trivial feelings like this on a public domain. i guess i'm just vain like that. i'm vain enough to have a twitter account, that's for sure.
@erinish. come find me.
i drove a hour and a half to school alone and had a significantly awesome dance party in the car for the majority of the time. i've read all my twitter updates, and i've done my facebook stalking by this time of the day--and i feel full of knowledge about the community of people i know. however, i just realized that i've been silent for the past several hours. not a word has come out of my mouth. p.s. just a note, if you've realized this isn't a well-composed piece of literature, it's because i've decided to use the space to work out thoughts. i'm not so concerned with actually appealling to readers, as much as i am just talking in a stream-of-consciousness format to mark an occassion when i don't have my journal on hand.
on that note, my biggest concern of today was that i woke up and realized that the tattoo on my side is grammatically incorrect. it says "psalms 139:14." it should say "psalm 139:14." this really bothers me. REALLY bothers me. it reveals so much about the quality of my faith at the at the time. i know that sounds silly, but i'm a bit of a freak about grammar sometimes. maybe it isn't that big of a deal. i guess from now on, it can be a testiment to how far i've come in life. i'm just embarrassed to have tattoos at all. i hate looking down and seeing dumb flowers. i hate being committed to these silly drawings for a lifetime. it irritates me to the point i'd like to cut them out of my skin. i hate being judged upon first meeting a new person. i watch their eyes scan my feet for several seconds, and i just know what they're thinking. i feel the need to make excuses and tell them it was a move of teenage rebellion. that feeling is silly, too.
so, in conclusion, i'm more insecure than ever about my tattoos, because now i feel as if one is grammatically incorrect. also, i'm in desperate need of people in my life, because i'm overwhelmed with loneliness throughout most of each day.
i am happy to almost be done with school. a degree in marketing. cool. i don't even think i like marketing. i liked art school, but i couldn't keep a job and put in the number of studio hours required. now, i get to watch my boyfriend experience all the fun that i missed out on, while i take queer statistics tests and drool over boring management strategies. funny how life turns out. i spend quite a bit of time being jealous and annoyed over this very predicament. it is what it is, i suppose.
sorry this blog has an overwhelming tone of negativity. most of the time, i'm a pretty joyful person these days. i hate being in these cynical moods, because we all know cynicism is highly unattractive. a person is lying if they find that quality to be cute. the only reason i've ever feigned appreciation over such a quality is because i felt insecure and wanted acceptance from such ridiculously-natured people. not that i'm thinking of anyone specifically, but there used to be a whole group of cynics in albany who a large group of people thought epitomized cool. now they just look like sad has-beens. grumpy old men, if you will.
blogging is highly cathartic. i don't even know why i'm mentioning half of these things. i feel so self-indulgent listing my most trivial feelings like this on a public domain. i guess i'm just vain like that. i'm vain enough to have a twitter account, that's for sure.
@erinish. come find me.
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