living in a technology crazed world is a weird thing. i know so much about others, but i make very little contact with humans throughout my day. it feels sad. right now, i'm in my office by myself. i said my hellos to a few people when i walked in. i sat in a classroom earlier with a group of people, but i didn't really speak to anyone, besides to ask the teacher a question maybe.

i drove a hour and a half to school alone and had a significantly awesome dance party in the car for the majority of the time. i've read all my twitter updates, and i've done my facebook stalking by this time of the day--and i feel full of knowledge about the community of people i know. however, i just realized that i've been silent for the past several hours. not a word has come out of my mouth. p.s. just a note, if you've realized this isn't a well-composed piece of literature, it's because i've decided to use the space to work out thoughts. i'm not so concerned with actually appealling to readers, as much as i am just talking in a stream-of-consciousness format to mark an occassion when i don't have my journal on hand.

on that note, my biggest concern of today was that i woke up and realized that the tattoo on my side is grammatically incorrect. it says "psalms 139:14." it should say "psalm 139:14." this really bothers me. REALLY bothers me. it reveals so much about the quality of my faith at the at the time. i know that sounds silly, but i'm a bit of a freak about grammar sometimes. maybe it isn't that big of a deal. i guess from now on, it can be a testiment to how far i've come in life. i'm just embarrassed to have tattoos at all. i hate looking down and seeing dumb flowers. i hate being committed to these silly drawings for a lifetime. it irritates me to the point i'd like to cut them out of my skin. i hate being judged upon first meeting a new person. i watch their eyes scan my feet for several seconds, and i just know what they're thinking. i feel the need to make excuses and tell them it was a move of teenage rebellion. that feeling is silly, too.

so, in conclusion, i'm more insecure than ever about my tattoos, because now i feel as if one is grammatically incorrect. also, i'm in desperate need of people in my life, because i'm overwhelmed with loneliness throughout most of each day.

i am happy to almost be done with school. a degree in marketing. cool. i don't even think i like marketing. i liked art school, but i couldn't keep a job and put in the number of studio hours required. now, i get to watch my boyfriend experience all the fun that i missed out on, while i take queer statistics tests and drool over boring management strategies. funny how life turns out. i spend quite a bit of time being jealous and annoyed over this very predicament. it is what it is, i suppose.

sorry this blog has an overwhelming tone of negativity. most of the time, i'm a pretty joyful person these days. i hate being in these cynical moods, because we all know cynicism is highly unattractive. a person is lying if they find that quality to be cute. the only reason i've ever feigned appreciation over such a quality is because i felt insecure and wanted acceptance from such ridiculously-natured people. not that i'm thinking of anyone specifically, but there used to be a whole group of cynics in albany who a large group of people thought epitomized cool. now they just look like sad has-beens. grumpy old men, if you will.

blogging is highly cathartic. i don't even know why i'm mentioning half of these things. i feel so self-indulgent listing my most trivial feelings like this on a public domain. i guess i'm just vain like that. i'm vain enough to have a twitter account, that's for sure.
@erinish. come find me.