chasing cars or rabbit trails or something

i wish i could remember a time when driving was a privilege. this morning i got so bent out of shape when this old man just glided along a 45 mile-an-hour, one lane street at a 25-mile-an-hour pace. and once i was finally able to pass him, this turd of a driver started wrecklessly tailing me as i was circling off of the bypass ramp. not everyone used to have a car. people were grateful for such an invention to carry them places faster and more efficiently. now i'm about as grateful for my car as i am grateful that God gave me a pinky toe.

everyone's in such a hurry to get nowhere, and people are addicted to stress. i watched a national geographic documentary that was very enlightening. stress is meant to help us in necessary situations, but we allow mental stress over the most unworthy of situations most of the time. driving to work. girl drama. being late. the uncontrollable nuances. the trivial. i want to study how i can stop stressing myself out. how to stop pulling that trigger just because it's a habit. i feel like my mind would be a lot more peaceful.

i'm in every direction lately. i've been in the process of wrapping things up at the bank for three months now. i was told i needed to find a new gig by october 1st, and i lucked out finding LMF which i absolutely adore and want to excel in. now it's december and i'm still substituting and working at LMF and the bank. i'm so blessed to have all of these income sources, but the mental exercise of moving between the different sets of tasks that each job demands is...well, stressful.

i look forward to a day when i can have one job that can support my monetary needs. i'm so blessed to have a job at all, i know that. but i'm not in college anymore. my goal is bigger than being able to make it week-to-week. if i'm working full-time, i want full-time pay so that i can have something to show for it. i need more professional work attire, and i'd like to be able to save up for my future. i know that if God has placed a desire within me, he will fulfill it in His time.

i am so grateful for Lemonade. it has been scary and stressful getting used to the pace, but i feel like i am starting to fit into my position. miloy is very helpful at recognizing my needs. she created a task list with action dates for me yesterday, and it's exactly what i needed. i like how she is able to see my strengths and weaknesses and is willing to help me grow and be a strong performer. i tend to get bogged down and distracted, but i have this anxious desire to create unrivaled ideas. i hope that one day i will have the discipline and the wisdom to be so creative--to be a real "creative specialist." :)

i'm just glad for how i'm ending the year. i feel like i've been pretty steady in 2010, and that's been nice. there are some different characters--rather unexpected and uncomparable characters, actually--but i am still myself. i'm thankful that my wonderful parents are letting me live with them, and they are taking care of me as i try to make a break in the world. i've got wonderful friends in my life who keep me balanced, challenged and enjoying my world. i have an extraordinary guy sharing life with me who inspires me and asks nothing from me but to be myself. i really love him. i've got a job on the horizon where i can grow in every one of my talents and passions. it's flexible, fun and i'm learning a ton. though things are a bit stressful at times, i'm very satisfied with the path forming in front of me. i hope i do it justice.