playing video games with mom. it doesn't get much better than this. dad taught me some life lessons while we were out christmas shopping today, and i'm cleaning my computer while mom learns the ins and outs of a 360 controller.
life is good. really good. can i get an amen?
- erin whatley
- two-two-niine, Georgia, United States
- i never thought it would be hard to fit a nut into a nutshell, but here's a go at what i'm about. foremost, i know, love and follow the Lord. i'm a wild card. i enjoy being alone as much as i enjoy other people. i eat up anything art-related. i'm an only child. i have a BBA in Marketing & an AA in Fine Arts. i'm the marketing and PR gal for Stewbos group, a job i truly love. i do this part-time, and the rest of the time i'm a stay at home wife/mama to Justin and Vayda. i itch to travel and i delight at learning new things. you'll find i'm neurotic, intellectual, honest and somewhat naive. i'm open and compassionate, yet paradoxically hard on myself. my biggest fear is succumbing to cynicism, and my greatest joy is experiencing growth. my idol is willy wonka, because i never want to grow up. i sing and dance my way through the day. I believe the best ones are full of giggles. i think blogging is rather self-indulgent. writing about my thoughts feels selfish, yet i enjoy the exploration it brings. thanks for stopping by.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
it's christmas time in the city...
ring-a-ling...:)
where did christmas come from?! this year has been a total whirlwind, i swear. i can't believe the holiday season is here again. life should slow down so i can catch a breath.
i don't really have much to say. everything is moving along at the same ol' pace.
i filmed a commercial recently for one of our clients, and it just started airing. i've been getting a lot of attention over it, and it makes me uneasy. i don't like feeling that i'm the butt of some jokes, but it's all in the name of being the best employee i can at LMF! and who knows, maybe compass cleaners really will point me in the right direction and give me my big break, haha! yea, right. but hey, a girl can dream!
after a month of sloth-like tendencies, i've decided to amp up my diet/exercise combo and give it all i've got during the holidays. i've been fluctuating around the same 3 pounds for a month or so, and i'm ready to just go all out and lose twelve-ish pounds to get to my long-term goal. fad diets generally fail me, but i talked this latest thing over with chipper--my weight loss guru--and we decided this seemed like it was worth a shot.
i'm substituting these protein-esque shakes for two of my meals each day, and they are UH-mazing. i ate one at 8:30 this morning, and now everyone's at lunch. i'm sitting at my desk...still full as a tick. i feel great, healthy, energetic--and i like it! i can definitely handle this for a month or so, and i'm feeling like i will see the results i'd like to see. i know i will always struggle with my image and my weight, but when i feel like i am in control, i'm a happier me.
i finally get my college diploma on saturday. i can't believe it's really here! DONE-ZO! after being done with classes for five months, i am eagerrrrrly awaiting this piece of paper. i'm also going to the festival of lights at callaway gardens with chipper this weekend after i graduate. he left roses on my car last night at the gym and a note asking me to go. sooooo romanticaaaaaal. *sigh* i'm a very happy girl, i am.
where did christmas come from?! this year has been a total whirlwind, i swear. i can't believe the holiday season is here again. life should slow down so i can catch a breath.
i don't really have much to say. everything is moving along at the same ol' pace.
i filmed a commercial recently for one of our clients, and it just started airing. i've been getting a lot of attention over it, and it makes me uneasy. i don't like feeling that i'm the butt of some jokes, but it's all in the name of being the best employee i can at LMF! and who knows, maybe compass cleaners really will point me in the right direction and give me my big break, haha! yea, right. but hey, a girl can dream!
after a month of sloth-like tendencies, i've decided to amp up my diet/exercise combo and give it all i've got during the holidays. i've been fluctuating around the same 3 pounds for a month or so, and i'm ready to just go all out and lose twelve-ish pounds to get to my long-term goal. fad diets generally fail me, but i talked this latest thing over with chipper--my weight loss guru--and we decided this seemed like it was worth a shot.
i'm substituting these protein-esque shakes for two of my meals each day, and they are UH-mazing. i ate one at 8:30 this morning, and now everyone's at lunch. i'm sitting at my desk...still full as a tick. i feel great, healthy, energetic--and i like it! i can definitely handle this for a month or so, and i'm feeling like i will see the results i'd like to see. i know i will always struggle with my image and my weight, but when i feel like i am in control, i'm a happier me.
i finally get my college diploma on saturday. i can't believe it's really here! DONE-ZO! after being done with classes for five months, i am eagerrrrrly awaiting this piece of paper. i'm also going to the festival of lights at callaway gardens with chipper this weekend after i graduate. he left roses on my car last night at the gym and a note asking me to go. sooooo romanticaaaaaal. *sigh* i'm a very happy girl, i am.
The Great Stumbling Block of the Creative Mind
by Donald Miller, link posted below the article. very inspiring:
"The great stumbling block of the creative mind is the awareness of self from the perspective of others. Self awareness isn’t the enemy, because we are in fact masterworks of God, but rather the overemphasis regarding what others think of us. When we think too much about the opinions of others, we are letting them edit a book God has written.
In his introduction to C.S. Lewis’ sermon The Weight of Glory, Walter Hooper says Lewis was not capable of writing a great work until he converted to Christianity, not because only Christians create great work (obviously) but because his conversion marked an inner change in which he ceased to take much interest in himself.
In an age in which we can project an image and score that image based on immediate Facebook and Twitter feedback, thus making a video game of life and a false-reality composed of lies, what gets lost is a joyful obsession with the work we create from the purest of motives, a sheer joy in the act of creation itself that causes us to lose ourselves in something else, and in a way die to ourselves over the absolute love of a thing we are breathing into life."
The Great Stumbling Block of the Creative Mind
"The great stumbling block of the creative mind is the awareness of self from the perspective of others. Self awareness isn’t the enemy, because we are in fact masterworks of God, but rather the overemphasis regarding what others think of us. When we think too much about the opinions of others, we are letting them edit a book God has written.
In his introduction to C.S. Lewis’ sermon The Weight of Glory, Walter Hooper says Lewis was not capable of writing a great work until he converted to Christianity, not because only Christians create great work (obviously) but because his conversion marked an inner change in which he ceased to take much interest in himself.
In an age in which we can project an image and score that image based on immediate Facebook and Twitter feedback, thus making a video game of life and a false-reality composed of lies, what gets lost is a joyful obsession with the work we create from the purest of motives, a sheer joy in the act of creation itself that causes us to lose ourselves in something else, and in a way die to ourselves over the absolute love of a thing we are breathing into life."
The Great Stumbling Block of the Creative Mind
Thursday, December 2, 2010
it's the little things.
so chipper. i've talked about him here and there, and i feel a bit awkward writing about him, especially knowing that he reads my blog. i don't want anything to seem contrived nor do i want to embarrass him with anything i say. i'm just so shocked about how things are progressing from something that started so spontaneously. i feel as if i've discovered a secret, like i've gotten some corner on a wonderful kind of friendship that no one else has. our interactions are relaxed like we've got a simple friendship. there are not a lot of uncomfortable compromising or imbalance or stressful expectations. feeling no pressure or force to change who i am just encourages me to want to be better for all the right reasons. maybe that's common and i sound silly.
or maybe it's just right. i thought i'd met my quota on good relationships and that i just sucked at them. i guess that's what i get for being cynical. being the negative person i am, i create these ideas in my mind that things will fail one way or another. that chipper doesn't get me, that he won't understand me, that he'll become controlling at some point, that i'll never get to the bottom of who he is, that i'll never know how he really feels, that our dynamics will change to something less enjoyable. i have a hard time letting myself believe this is reality in the worst of ways. i'm kind of pretending it's a show so i can tentatively enjoy it until it falls apart. but i don't think it's a show. i think it is something real and something unique. and the cool thing is that this relationship is mine, even if i'm having trouble accepting that i have something so extraordinary.
amongst all the chaos in my life, everything seems so peaceful when it comes to chipper. all of my quirks just seem to meld perfectly into what we have, and it's kind of frightening. the "help me with my diet" game. which really isn't a game. i really do want help staying motivated with my diet. but i generally try to push the limits to see if the desire to please me outweighs the promise of helping me lose weight by coyly asking for ice cream and unhealthy snacks. generally, i get my ice cream, but chipper folds down the bag of cheese nips while i'm not paying attention during the movie, and he certainly doesn't buy me the cookie from subway. and for some reason, i feel more loved than i ever have through such a simple action. magical little moments like that affect me all the time, but i don't know how to say anything. i just get scared i won't be able to return the favor and create that same magic on my end because chipper keeps all of his cards so close. but i guess deep down i know things will unfold in time. besides, i've always loved a challenging mystery.
what an adventure i'm on.
or maybe it's just right. i thought i'd met my quota on good relationships and that i just sucked at them. i guess that's what i get for being cynical. being the negative person i am, i create these ideas in my mind that things will fail one way or another. that chipper doesn't get me, that he won't understand me, that he'll become controlling at some point, that i'll never get to the bottom of who he is, that i'll never know how he really feels, that our dynamics will change to something less enjoyable. i have a hard time letting myself believe this is reality in the worst of ways. i'm kind of pretending it's a show so i can tentatively enjoy it until it falls apart. but i don't think it's a show. i think it is something real and something unique. and the cool thing is that this relationship is mine, even if i'm having trouble accepting that i have something so extraordinary.
amongst all the chaos in my life, everything seems so peaceful when it comes to chipper. all of my quirks just seem to meld perfectly into what we have, and it's kind of frightening. the "help me with my diet" game. which really isn't a game. i really do want help staying motivated with my diet. but i generally try to push the limits to see if the desire to please me outweighs the promise of helping me lose weight by coyly asking for ice cream and unhealthy snacks. generally, i get my ice cream, but chipper folds down the bag of cheese nips while i'm not paying attention during the movie, and he certainly doesn't buy me the cookie from subway. and for some reason, i feel more loved than i ever have through such a simple action. magical little moments like that affect me all the time, but i don't know how to say anything. i just get scared i won't be able to return the favor and create that same magic on my end because chipper keeps all of his cards so close. but i guess deep down i know things will unfold in time. besides, i've always loved a challenging mystery.
what an adventure i'm on.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
chasing cars or rabbit trails or something
i wish i could remember a time when driving was a privilege. this morning i got so bent out of shape when this old man just glided along a 45 mile-an-hour, one lane street at a 25-mile-an-hour pace. and once i was finally able to pass him, this turd of a driver started wrecklessly tailing me as i was circling off of the bypass ramp. not everyone used to have a car. people were grateful for such an invention to carry them places faster and more efficiently. now i'm about as grateful for my car as i am grateful that God gave me a pinky toe.
everyone's in such a hurry to get nowhere, and people are addicted to stress. i watched a national geographic documentary that was very enlightening. stress is meant to help us in necessary situations, but we allow mental stress over the most unworthy of situations most of the time. driving to work. girl drama. being late. the uncontrollable nuances. the trivial. i want to study how i can stop stressing myself out. how to stop pulling that trigger just because it's a habit. i feel like my mind would be a lot more peaceful.
i'm in every direction lately. i've been in the process of wrapping things up at the bank for three months now. i was told i needed to find a new gig by october 1st, and i lucked out finding LMF which i absolutely adore and want to excel in. now it's december and i'm still substituting and working at LMF and the bank. i'm so blessed to have all of these income sources, but the mental exercise of moving between the different sets of tasks that each job demands is...well, stressful.
i look forward to a day when i can have one job that can support my monetary needs. i'm so blessed to have a job at all, i know that. but i'm not in college anymore. my goal is bigger than being able to make it week-to-week. if i'm working full-time, i want full-time pay so that i can have something to show for it. i need more professional work attire, and i'd like to be able to save up for my future. i know that if God has placed a desire within me, he will fulfill it in His time.
i am so grateful for Lemonade. it has been scary and stressful getting used to the pace, but i feel like i am starting to fit into my position. miloy is very helpful at recognizing my needs. she created a task list with action dates for me yesterday, and it's exactly what i needed. i like how she is able to see my strengths and weaknesses and is willing to help me grow and be a strong performer. i tend to get bogged down and distracted, but i have this anxious desire to create unrivaled ideas. i hope that one day i will have the discipline and the wisdom to be so creative--to be a real "creative specialist." :)
i'm just glad for how i'm ending the year. i feel like i've been pretty steady in 2010, and that's been nice. there are some different characters--rather unexpected and uncomparable characters, actually--but i am still myself. i'm thankful that my wonderful parents are letting me live with them, and they are taking care of me as i try to make a break in the world. i've got wonderful friends in my life who keep me balanced, challenged and enjoying my world. i have an extraordinary guy sharing life with me who inspires me and asks nothing from me but to be myself. i really love him. i've got a job on the horizon where i can grow in every one of my talents and passions. it's flexible, fun and i'm learning a ton. though things are a bit stressful at times, i'm very satisfied with the path forming in front of me. i hope i do it justice.
everyone's in such a hurry to get nowhere, and people are addicted to stress. i watched a national geographic documentary that was very enlightening. stress is meant to help us in necessary situations, but we allow mental stress over the most unworthy of situations most of the time. driving to work. girl drama. being late. the uncontrollable nuances. the trivial. i want to study how i can stop stressing myself out. how to stop pulling that trigger just because it's a habit. i feel like my mind would be a lot more peaceful.
i'm in every direction lately. i've been in the process of wrapping things up at the bank for three months now. i was told i needed to find a new gig by october 1st, and i lucked out finding LMF which i absolutely adore and want to excel in. now it's december and i'm still substituting and working at LMF and the bank. i'm so blessed to have all of these income sources, but the mental exercise of moving between the different sets of tasks that each job demands is...well, stressful.
i look forward to a day when i can have one job that can support my monetary needs. i'm so blessed to have a job at all, i know that. but i'm not in college anymore. my goal is bigger than being able to make it week-to-week. if i'm working full-time, i want full-time pay so that i can have something to show for it. i need more professional work attire, and i'd like to be able to save up for my future. i know that if God has placed a desire within me, he will fulfill it in His time.
i am so grateful for Lemonade. it has been scary and stressful getting used to the pace, but i feel like i am starting to fit into my position. miloy is very helpful at recognizing my needs. she created a task list with action dates for me yesterday, and it's exactly what i needed. i like how she is able to see my strengths and weaknesses and is willing to help me grow and be a strong performer. i tend to get bogged down and distracted, but i have this anxious desire to create unrivaled ideas. i hope that one day i will have the discipline and the wisdom to be so creative--to be a real "creative specialist." :)
i'm just glad for how i'm ending the year. i feel like i've been pretty steady in 2010, and that's been nice. there are some different characters--rather unexpected and uncomparable characters, actually--but i am still myself. i'm thankful that my wonderful parents are letting me live with them, and they are taking care of me as i try to make a break in the world. i've got wonderful friends in my life who keep me balanced, challenged and enjoying my world. i have an extraordinary guy sharing life with me who inspires me and asks nothing from me but to be myself. i really love him. i've got a job on the horizon where i can grow in every one of my talents and passions. it's flexible, fun and i'm learning a ton. though things are a bit stressful at times, i'm very satisfied with the path forming in front of me. i hope i do it justice.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
gee, thanxxx
i don't know why, but i always think of thanksgiving as kind of cliche. i say i'm thankful for crap, but really i'm not at all. i just enjoy the food and the warmth of my family being together, but it was mostly just another selfish day in an enjoyable season.
this year has been a big struggle to renew my mind, to be authentic instead of just going through the motions everyday, to avoid getting dragged through the trivialities of life. therefore, i think the Bible verse that has shaped this year for me is Romans 12:2: "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to trst and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."
i often get caught up in myself and who i've let myself become, but discovering this year that i can mentally take action to renew the way i think by memorizing Scripture and taking on different thinking habits has really changed the way i look at things. i have the power in Christ to be more authentic, to use my time better, to change how angry and frustrated and stressed i allow myself to become over situations. it's a challenge, and i like that.
so, this season i want to really give thanks:
i'm thankful to have a God who is in control and who reminds me that i can't really do much on my own so i need to stop worrying.
i'm thankful for parents who have great intentions for my life with their advice, who love the Lord, and who love me and love being involved in my life.
i'm thankful for a positive, kind-hearted, open-minded boyfriend in my life.
i'm thankful for wonderful friends who love me, challenge me and often forgive my flaws.
i'm thankful for the influence God has given me among certain groups of people. i'm thankful for freedom in Christ in America and the opportunity to experience Christ at all.
i'm thankful for job opportunities and all that i have been able to learn recently.
i'm thankful for the blessing of being able to attend school with the help of scholarships and my parents, so that i have a better chance at gaining employment in society.
i'm thankful that i am able to give thanks--that the Lord gave His life and gave me the Holy Spirit so that i can know Him through prayer and share in His power. such things sounded so lofty and so strange until i knew this unexplainable gift.
i'm thankful for my past--no matter how sticky or how stupid my decisions were--because they've shaped who i am currently becoming.
most of all, i am thankful for tomorrow and the future purpose for my life.
i hope i never forget how to seize the day.
happy thanksgiving to anyone who reads.
this year has been a big struggle to renew my mind, to be authentic instead of just going through the motions everyday, to avoid getting dragged through the trivialities of life. therefore, i think the Bible verse that has shaped this year for me is Romans 12:2: "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to trst and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."
i often get caught up in myself and who i've let myself become, but discovering this year that i can mentally take action to renew the way i think by memorizing Scripture and taking on different thinking habits has really changed the way i look at things. i have the power in Christ to be more authentic, to use my time better, to change how angry and frustrated and stressed i allow myself to become over situations. it's a challenge, and i like that.
so, this season i want to really give thanks:
i'm thankful to have a God who is in control and who reminds me that i can't really do much on my own so i need to stop worrying.
i'm thankful for parents who have great intentions for my life with their advice, who love the Lord, and who love me and love being involved in my life.
i'm thankful for a positive, kind-hearted, open-minded boyfriend in my life.
i'm thankful for wonderful friends who love me, challenge me and often forgive my flaws.
i'm thankful for the influence God has given me among certain groups of people. i'm thankful for freedom in Christ in America and the opportunity to experience Christ at all.
i'm thankful for job opportunities and all that i have been able to learn recently.
i'm thankful for the blessing of being able to attend school with the help of scholarships and my parents, so that i have a better chance at gaining employment in society.
i'm thankful that i am able to give thanks--that the Lord gave His life and gave me the Holy Spirit so that i can know Him through prayer and share in His power. such things sounded so lofty and so strange until i knew this unexplainable gift.
i'm thankful for my past--no matter how sticky or how stupid my decisions were--because they've shaped who i am currently becoming.
most of all, i am thankful for tomorrow and the future purpose for my life.
i hope i never forget how to seize the day.
happy thanksgiving to anyone who reads.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
no excuses.
at the beginning of the week, i have every intention to go to choir practice, bible study, relevate practice, the gym, etc--but when the day gets here, i get so tired by the end of the day that i'd rather just lay around a little longer at the house instead doing something mindless.
i'm feeling pretty irresponsible. i know the people who are used to seeing me have probably lost faith in me, and i don't even know why i'm so tired. i've started working full-time (between two part-time gigs), and i guess the juggle has just become mentally exhausting.
it makes me feel like a whining dweeb, because so many people work harder than me. but i crave sitting down to read one of my million books or catching up on my favorite movies and television shows. that feels selfish. probably because it is selfish. it's a funky place, and i don't know whether i should just indulge it or try to motivate myself to get back involved on a regular basis. i loathe being inconsistent, so since 'all' wasn't feasible, i reverted to 'nothing,' essentially.
people approaching me saying that they miss me makes me feel awful, so i feel the need to perform under those expectations. i don't know what the Lord is doing in my life right now, but i know that i am trying to follow as He convicts me. this is just a confusing area for me.
i feel like LMF is such a blessing, as i get to use my creativity and passion for art on regular basis. it just feels right, and things are progressing in a wonderful way. it's the rest of my life that's chaos. it's weird, because i was so intensely afraid of my job situation this summer as evidenced in my blogs. and now that i feel secure in that, everything else has turned upside down. i have faith that the Lord will provide a path. i just need to be more faithful in valuing my time. i could really shave off a few minutes here and there to make my life more useful.
having a boyfriend feels a little crazy. chipper and i will have been offishy for a whole month tomorrow. he's such a good thing in my life that i'm scared i might start focusing too much on him for my happiness. that sounds like a negative thing, but it's not. i just feel so safe and understood with him, and having that so present in my life makes it easy to start ignoring God--but i hope recognizing that early means i'll be able to stop that from happening. i really just can't explain how well things are working themselves together. i'm sort of at a loss for words about it, because this relationship came out of a really awful time of stupidity and self-inflicted chaos in my life. yet somehow, i got a really big blessing out of it. i'm still trying to process it--or just figure out when the joke is going to end.
i heard a sad song this afternoon. it's a song that has a lot of memories attached to it for me, and it made me feel really apprehensive. letting my guard down is so hard, and as much peace as i've felt through my prayers i still get overwhelmed sometimes when my past comes to the forefront of my mind. i worried for a while about it this afternoon, but all in all the Lord is going to work it out if i let Him.
it's hard for me to be so honest about things i just don't know about. it's hard for me to admit i'm unsure or that i know i'm failing some people's expectations. there's no excuses though, and i'm not doing the erinish thing and making any. so that's this week in erinland.
i'm feeling pretty irresponsible. i know the people who are used to seeing me have probably lost faith in me, and i don't even know why i'm so tired. i've started working full-time (between two part-time gigs), and i guess the juggle has just become mentally exhausting.
it makes me feel like a whining dweeb, because so many people work harder than me. but i crave sitting down to read one of my million books or catching up on my favorite movies and television shows. that feels selfish. probably because it is selfish. it's a funky place, and i don't know whether i should just indulge it or try to motivate myself to get back involved on a regular basis. i loathe being inconsistent, so since 'all' wasn't feasible, i reverted to 'nothing,' essentially.
people approaching me saying that they miss me makes me feel awful, so i feel the need to perform under those expectations. i don't know what the Lord is doing in my life right now, but i know that i am trying to follow as He convicts me. this is just a confusing area for me.
i feel like LMF is such a blessing, as i get to use my creativity and passion for art on regular basis. it just feels right, and things are progressing in a wonderful way. it's the rest of my life that's chaos. it's weird, because i was so intensely afraid of my job situation this summer as evidenced in my blogs. and now that i feel secure in that, everything else has turned upside down. i have faith that the Lord will provide a path. i just need to be more faithful in valuing my time. i could really shave off a few minutes here and there to make my life more useful.
having a boyfriend feels a little crazy. chipper and i will have been offishy for a whole month tomorrow. he's such a good thing in my life that i'm scared i might start focusing too much on him for my happiness. that sounds like a negative thing, but it's not. i just feel so safe and understood with him, and having that so present in my life makes it easy to start ignoring God--but i hope recognizing that early means i'll be able to stop that from happening. i really just can't explain how well things are working themselves together. i'm sort of at a loss for words about it, because this relationship came out of a really awful time of stupidity and self-inflicted chaos in my life. yet somehow, i got a really big blessing out of it. i'm still trying to process it--or just figure out when the joke is going to end.
i heard a sad song this afternoon. it's a song that has a lot of memories attached to it for me, and it made me feel really apprehensive. letting my guard down is so hard, and as much peace as i've felt through my prayers i still get overwhelmed sometimes when my past comes to the forefront of my mind. i worried for a while about it this afternoon, but all in all the Lord is going to work it out if i let Him.
it's hard for me to be so honest about things i just don't know about. it's hard for me to admit i'm unsure or that i know i'm failing some people's expectations. there's no excuses though, and i'm not doing the erinish thing and making any. so that's this week in erinland.
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