my heart is heavy today. i'm more hopeful than i imagined, but this still isn't a fun feeling. i'm doing my best to rest in the peace of God's plan. i don't know why i feel the need to write about something vaguely that i don't plan on discussing. a lot is changing in my heart, and time will give me answers.
i made a bad choice this week. it wasn't earth-shattering, but it reminded me how weak i am. relying on God is important. don't get proud in your accomplishments, and don't think that because of your acheivements within the faith that you aren't just as unworthy a sinner as you were when God drew you to Him. i am unworthy. i can fail in an instant. it is not within me to succeed in righteousness. it is only the Lord who can mold me and sanctify my life. i feel so full of myself right now that it makes me sick. i need to pursue the Lord in the deepest parts of myself and my desires. it's easy to find contentment. it's easy to say cheap words. i want to fill my life with His meaning.
i'm deeply burdened with pursuing this depth in my life, but it's quite possibly the hardest pursuit i've ever started. it's tiring and never-ending. i continuously fail, some failures more altering than others. i'm in a familiar place in life where i can retreat or advance. i will advance, but it's scary how close retreating became a possibility. we all need to humbled sometimes to remind us that it's not within ourselves. we must trust the Lord.
- erin whatley
- two-two-niine, Georgia, United States
- i never thought it would be hard to fit a nut into a nutshell, but here's a go at what i'm about. foremost, i know, love and follow the Lord. i'm a wild card. i enjoy being alone as much as i enjoy other people. i eat up anything art-related. i'm an only child. i have a BBA in Marketing & an AA in Fine Arts. i'm the marketing and PR gal for Stewbos group, a job i truly love. i do this part-time, and the rest of the time i'm a stay at home wife/mama to Justin and Vayda. i itch to travel and i delight at learning new things. you'll find i'm neurotic, intellectual, honest and somewhat naive. i'm open and compassionate, yet paradoxically hard on myself. my biggest fear is succumbing to cynicism, and my greatest joy is experiencing growth. my idol is willy wonka, because i never want to grow up. i sing and dance my way through the day. I believe the best ones are full of giggles. i think blogging is rather self-indulgent. writing about my thoughts feels selfish, yet i enjoy the exploration it brings. thanks for stopping by.
1 comment:
i always feel proud to call you friend, ee.
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